I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
