On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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