Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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