And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
