no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
honey bunches of taint.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
