He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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