You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
