Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
