Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
