who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
