Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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