Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
