Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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