chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
