Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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