we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
