So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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