ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
