Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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