between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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