i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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