So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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