I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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