if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
