i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
