So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
