I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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