I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
