Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
