so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
