After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
