Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
