My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
