Got a toothbrush?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
