Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
