i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
