New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
