I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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