oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
