I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
