he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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