What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
