He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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