The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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