She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
