In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
