Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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