When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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