Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
