The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
