I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
