Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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